How to know you are dating a narcissistic pervert?

A narcissistic pervert is an ‘energy vampire’ who needs to boost their self-esteem by emptying that of their victims.

Whilst seducing their victims, narcissistic perverts will pretend to be thoughtful, understanding, loving, secure and caring. Once the victim is trapped, narcissistic perverts drastically change their attitudes and behaviours. They may start to humiliate their loved-one, put them down, harasse and pick fight with them. This never happens in public. This is because narcissistic perverts always want to look perfect from the outside and perfectly master the art of manipulation. 

Narcissistic perverts are often males but some women can also adopt this role. 

Narcissistic perverts dominate their victims through seduction, power and manipulation. They take pleasure in transgression and follow their own rules. They see their partner as an ‘object’ that they manipulate as they want to. 

A couple of years ago, I worked with a young woman who married a narcissistic pervert. In the beginning of their relationship, he appeared to be everything she dreamed of. She was suffering from a low self-esteem at the time and he helped her gain self-assurance and feel smarter and loved. He used words such as ‘I believe in you’; ‘You are able to achieve your goals’; ‘You are kind and beautiful’. Step by step, he cut her from her family, siblings and friends. Once he married her, he showed his true colours. He started to humiliate, insult and criticise her. Her self-esteem considerably dropped and she started to doubt every single word and action she was undertaking. She realised she was alone which increased the feelings of lack of self-assurance, self-management and problem solving. When she told him that she wanted to leave him, he told her that everything was her fault and that her life was a complete failure. 

Psychotherapy can help the patient rebuild their self-esteem, regain autonomy and recreate family, social and professional relationships. Working on trusting others and more specifically trusting men is also of huge importance.

Let’s have a look at women now. A pervert wife for example will tell her husband that he is never there for his family; that he doesn’t help and support her; and that she acts as both mum and dad for their children. Whatever he does, it’s never enough. Whatever he says, it’s wrong. She makes him live in constant pressure and increases the feelings of guilt. 

What happens is that narcissistic perverts project their negative self-image and self-perception on their partner. In this way, they ‘destroy’ the negative self-image.

Projection is a powerful defense mechanism that enables individuals to get rid of any negative personality trait, behaviour or habit that they hate or don’t like. ‘I am a bad person’ then becomes ‘you are a bad person and I will destroy you’. Projection may also protect some narcissistic perverts from slipping into madness, as they will attribute all abnormal qualities and behaviours to their victim. This is why, many victims report feeling ‘mad’ and ‘not normal’. 

There is only one way to deal with narcissistic pervert. If you meet one – run away.

If you like this article, you might be interested in “Are you a narcissist” that you can access here.

If you are currently experiencing difficulties, you need to know that you are not alone. Do not hesitate to contact me on or on my social networks. I will be glad to chat with you. 

Please note that Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Psychodynamic Therapy will help you acquire the knowledge and reflection you need. Learn more about Psychodynamic Therapy here and about CBT here. Don't forget that you can work with me at home. Learn more about online psychotherapy here

With warm wishes,
Dr Ivanka Ezhova

Founder of Angel Psychological Therapy - Online Psychological Therapy